Getting a peaceful sleep at night is what every parent wants after they enter parenthood. Many parents choose the Ferber method to sleep train their kids so that they become independent sleepers.
The Ferber method teaches the kid how to self-soothe himself and fall asleep independently, but it is not as easy as it seems.
Sometimes the Ferber method does not give you the desired result, and usually, its because the method is not been followed as per the guidelines or it has been started at the wrong time.
In this blog, I am going to unfold the mystery by exploring the potential reasons why the Ferber method is not working for you and provide you with some valuable insight on how to make it work.
This post may contain affiliate links. Full disclosure here.
I recommend reading the book “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems”.
Dr. Richard Ferber has a lot of great information to share that will help you sleep-train your baby within 7 days without being overwhelmed.
Click the link below to get the book on Amazon.
Why isn’t the Ferber method working for my child:
It is important to remember that every child is unique and may respond differently to sleep training methods. Here are a few possible reasons why the Ferber method might not work for your child.
1- Sleep training and growth spurt have a clash:
It is possible that the Ferber method is not working for your child because he is in the middle of a growth spurt and you may have not noticed it and started the Ferber method in those days.
When a child goes through a growth spurt he tends to express it through crankiness, improper sleeping patterns, and increased hunger.
So if the sleep training and growth spurt occur at the same time, the child won’t be able to take a lot in and get overwhelmed.
2- Child temperament is not according to the Ferber method:
Kids who need more parental support, have high needs, are super sensitive, and are cranky find the Ferber method very difficult.
It might be because some children’s temperament has been made this way.
Some parents do not allow the child to be on his own and keep him close to them every time. This makes the child more dependent and glued to their parents, hence they find the Ferber method very difficult.
3- Other underlying issues:
One more reason the Ferber method might not be working for your child is that there is some underlying factor that is disturbing the child and his sleep. It could be teething, illness, separation anxiety, or any kind of discomfort.
If the child is facing any one of these issues, it’s better to closely watch him and address the underlying issue first.
4- Inconsistent training:
If the parents are inconsistent with sleep training through the Ferber method and not following it correctly in terms of timing, patience, and comfort then it won’t work.
5- The parental response to the situation is wrong:
Another reason the Ferber method sometimes doesn’t work is that either the parents are letting the child cry, lose patience, get frustrated, or cannot bear their baby to cry for a minute and pick them up.
Also sometimes parents use progressive waiting for a few days, but then give in and rock their child to sleep because they are so tired.
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Tips to make the Ferber Method work:
Follow the simple tips to make the Ferber method work. All you need is proper knowledge of the method, consistency, and patience.
1- Read the Ferber method and do thorough research:
Before you jump into sleep training through the Ferber method, thoroughly read and understand the method. It is very important to know the do’s and don’ts of the training.
Click here to read complete ferber method guide.
Make separate notes for the training and keep adding notes and important points for each day. Also, write about the improvements and difficulties you face every day.
In this way, you would be able to see the progress and it will motivate you to be consistent.
2- Be consistent with the Ferber method:
Once you get started with the Ferber method, stick to the routine at bedtime and follow the everyday time interval chart strictly.
3- Limit interaction when the child is in bed:
Once the child is in bed, limited interaction with him like making eye contact, talking, taking him in the lap, etc, is the important part to be taken care of while doing the sleep training through the Ferber method.
4- Be ready to lose some sleep for a good result:
Start the training when you can afford to lose some sleep as the initial days would be tough for you. Your child will be waking up a lot and for that, you need to wake up for him and wait for the progressive waiting before you get into his room.
I suggest starting the training when you can take off from your work if you are a working parent.
5- Put the child in bed when it is his bedtime but he is awake:
It is important to note that you cannot put the child in his bed after putting him to sleep. The core purpose of the Ferber method is to train the child to sleep by himself.
Having a consistent bedtime helps a lot in sleep training. When a baby falls asleep at the same time each day; there are high chances of him falling asleep at that time even without parent intervention.
Patting is allowed in this sleep training method but picking up the child is not allowed.
6- Strictly follow the time intervals and use a stopwatch for accurate timings:
Strictly follow the progressive waiting chart at night when the child wakes up and cries. Do not storm into the room or wait for too long, just stick to the time interval for that day.
Learning Resources Simple 3-Button Stopwatch
This stopwatch is best to use during sleep training. It has three buttons with colors red, yellow, and green which indicate stop, clear, and go respectively. This stopwatch is easy to use and tells the accurate time and helps you to know that now is the time to go into your child’s room.
7- Keep the interaction brief and avoid picking them up:
If your child does not go back to sleep on his own which will happen in the initial days, you just have to go into his room and simply pat him on his back. Even if he shows a sign to pick him up you have to ignore it and continue patting him.
I know it would be difficult for you and the baby in the start but after a few days, you would see the progress going up.
8- Patience and consistency is the key:
All the Ferber method needs is patience and consistency.
Keep all the emotions aside when you put your child and yourself in this training process because the result is what makes you accomplish.
9- If the child is uncomfortable because of any reason don’t start the training or delay if it happens in between the training:
Never start the training if you see your child is uncomfortable, ill, or fussy because of any reason such as teething, growth spurt, or sickness.
Read more about Ferber method and teething here.
Even if you see your child getting sick or very uncomfortable during the sleep training, you can stop and delay the training and start it once you see he is fine.
But since you have left the training in between, you have to start it all over again.
10- Provide reassurance to the child if he can understand you:
Even if your child cries or protests, it’s important to provide reassurance that you are nearby and he is safe. Let him know you love him, but it’s time for sleep.
Reassure yourself as well that you are doing what’s best for your child’s long-term sleep habits.
Conclusion:
The Ferber method may not be working for you because of several reasons. Ask yourself:
- Do I have enough knowledge of the Ferber method?
- Am I patient enough?
- Is my child fine?
- Am I consistent with the Ferber method?
- Am I following the Ferber method correctly?
Find out where you made mistakes, fix it, and let your baby fall asleep on his own.
