Whether you are a first-time parent or have experienced sleep training challenges with previous children, every time you do the training it seems new because every child is different. However, there are some general rules of the Ferber method which you can implement on every child despite differences in their response.
In this blog, we will cover the query of parents who want to know how to check in when following ferber method.
In the end, there are some absolutes and Don’ts you have to avoid while the process is going on.
Ferber Method; How to check in?
Here are some general guidelines for how to enter the room when you wait outside the room for a crying baby.
1- Never enter before the scheduled interval progressive waiting time:
Whether you are following the standard Ferber method chart for progressive waiting or you have modified it as per your child, never enter the room randomly. Follow the progressive waiting intervals and wait outside no matter how long it is.
It is okay to enter the room if you sense any emergency for your child. For example, if the child throws up or is very hungry. Trust your parent’s instincts and trust your gut feeling. If the child is crying just for comfort “the cry” will be different and if he is crying out of any emergency you could differentiate between the sounds.
Read more:
What to do if the child throws up during ferber method?
During ferber method, what if the baby is hungry?
2- Enter with a calm and composed gesture, providing reassurance:
When the waiting interval ends, enter the room and approach the child calmly no matter how much anxious you were outside the room. Never show that emotion to your child.
Your child must see that my parent is composed and calm, which means it is normal and not to worry about. Reassure him and ask him to go back to sleep.
3- Use a soothing tone, don’t panic.
As you enter the room, talk to your child in a soothing tone. Don’t panic or shout at the child. Reassure him that you are next to his room.
Avoid anxious tones like “Shh.. Shh.. Shh.. Stop crying”.
You can say something like, “I’m here, sweetheart. Mommy/Daddy loves you, but it’s time to go to sleep.”
Always use a soothing tone to calm your child.
4- Limit interaction:
Keep the interaction brief and to the point. Don’t pick up and avoid cuddling with the child. Keep the purpose of check-in alive and don’t stimulate or prolong bedtime.
Leave the room after spending a maximum of 2 minutes reassuring and putting the child back to sleep. In these 2 minutes, if the child does not sleep and just gets calm down, your purpose is fulfilled. You have to leave the room even if the child does not sleep. The main goal of the Ferber method is for the child would learn how to go back to sleep on his own.
5- Avoid excessive eye contact:
While checking in, it’s best to avoid direct and prolonged eye contact, as it may further stimulate your child. Instead, maintain a gentle gaze and focus on conveying calmness.
6- Provide comfort but don’t pick up.
You can provide any sort of comfort to your child, but you cannot pick up the child except for any emergency. You can gently pat your child’s back, stroke his hair, or provide a soothing touch for around 2 minutes.
7- Compose yourself no matter how anxious you were before entering the room.
It is important to keep yourself calm and show positive body language to your child when you enter the room. Negative vibes could ruin the training.
So just enter the room with a smiling face and act casually to show your child that all his crying is not making any difference and sleeping alone is a normal thing.
8- Gradually leave the room after giving comfort.
After a brief moment of comfort, let your child know it’s time to sleep and slowly leave the room. Reinforce the idea that it’s bedtime, and your child should try to fall asleep independently.
Don’ts of check-ins during Ferber method:
Here are some “don’ts” of check-ins during ferber method:
1- Refrain from showing intense emotions:
Any kind of intense emotions can negatively impact the child. Emotions like anxiety, anger, distress, or intense love can become a hurdle in sleep training and it may prolong the process. Also, if you cannot over the intense emotions, you might end up giving up on the training in the initial days.
2- Avoid long stays.
Staying long in the room can stimulate or prolong the bedtime. Staying long will also make the child more alert and he can associate long stays as a response to his crying.
3- Never pick up unless there’s an emergency.
You cannot break this law of the Ferber method unless you notice any emergency. Also, Only kids who breastfeed can be held and put back in the bed/crib when the feeding is done. You can pick up the child for a poopy diaper change but it happens rarely.
4- Don’t provide Intense comfort.
Intense comfort and talking are a big NO NO. It just kills the purpose of the sleep training through the Ferber method. Prepare your child to learn calming and soothing by himself rather than by you.
5- Compose yourself and maintain a sleeping environment.
Don’t talk loudly, don’t make noise, and don’t open and close the door roughly. Maintain the sleeping environment so that the child would know that it is sleeping time for more hours.
6- Don’t Turn on the full light.
When you enter the room, don’t turn on the full lights. Keep a dim light in your child’s room in that you and your child can see each other normally.
7- Don’t storm inside the room even if the baby is been crying for a long.
Don’t storm and run toward a crying child. It gives the impression to the child that he has been crying for a solid reason and his parents are running towards him in distress. Be calm and composed to show that this process is normal.
Summary:
During Ferber method check-ins, you should stay calm and composed. Don’t rush. Don’t transfer negative energy to the child. Babies become distressed when they see or feel that their parents are distressed as well. So, walk slowly and comfort the child calmly.
Want to know more about Ferber method? Click here.
