Ferber Method: Baby Screaming (Now What?)

Is your baby screaming during the Ferber method of sleep training?

The Ferber method of sleep training is undoubtedly the most used sleep training method around the world but it doesn’t mean it is as simple as it suggests. Nothing in parenthood is easy as it comes with a fair share of challenges. 

Mostly when parents follow the Ferber method of sleep training they feel overwhelmed and emotional when their child cries inconsolably. Thousand of emotions hits them when they resist going into the room and hearing the screams of the child. But the Ferber method is all about consistency, patience, and navigating the emotional turmoil when the child cries badly.

In this blog, together we will explore the practical ways to cope with the parent’s guilt, ways to know that there is nothing serious behind the child’s screaming, and how to make decisions in the best interest of the child well being.

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Why your baby might be screaming during the Ferber method?

Sleep training is hard for babies as they are used to falling asleep while being rocked or fed.

During the Ferber method, your baby is screaming:

• in protest: Babies are used to having a particular routine and way of falling asleep. When parents begin using the Ferber method, which involves changing that routine, babies may get upset or confused. They cry to show that they are not happy with the new way of falling asleep.
  
  
• Seeking comfort: Babies have a natural instinct to seek comfort and closeness with their caregivers. When parents initially leave the room or delay responding to the baby’s cries during the Ferber method, it can cause distress and lead to more crying.
  
  
• Frustration or overtiredness: If the baby is overtired or has difficulty falling asleep, they may become frustrated and cry more intensely. This can happen when parents are trying to extend the intervals between check-ins during the Ferber method.
  
  
• Discomfort: Make sure your baby is not screaming because of any illness or issues like teething. It is not recommended to sleep train a teething child. (however, if you have already started the sleep training before the teething signs, you can continue. Read more about ferber method and teething here.)
  
  
• Hunger: If the baby is not fed properly, he may scream because of being hungry. Read this article to know more about “What if the baby is hungry during the Ferber method of sleep training?”

Ferber Method, Baby Screaming; How to beat the guilt?

At the start of the training, it is natural to feel guilty and emotional when you hear the cries and screams of your child. It can be really challenging as many parents do not continue the process due to this distress but remember the Ferber method is intended to help teach your child to develop healthy sleeping habits and encourage self-soothing skills. 

1- First of all you need to educate yourself and understand the Ferber method thoroughly, as it will help you know its real benefits. Knowing that what you are doing will ultimately help your child in good ways will alleviate some guilt.

2- Remembering the long-term benefits of the Ferber method will keep you consistent in the process. Once your child finishes this phase, he will develop healthy and independent sleeping habits which will lead to peaceful sleep for both of you.

3- Involve your partner in the process so that you can share the tough nights with him/her. When you seek support, half of the guilt gets healed through emotional support and reassurance.

4- The reason behind guilt and turmoil of emotions can also be caused due to tiredness and you feel like giving up on the process. Give yourself a break from work or if you do not work then plan the whole week so that you have fewer things to worry about.

5- Lastly, trust your parents’ instincts when your child screams at night. If the child’s cries become extremely distressing then you should go and comfort him.

Should I wait or go inside to see my child when he screams?

It’s better to wait until the designated time interval finishes.

Since no one else in this world would understand your child the best, if your instincts are telling you that something might be wrong with your child and he is not screaming to get help falling asleep. Then go ahead and attend to your child as a priority.

However, if your child has a habit of crying loudly and screaming in usual situations then you can modify the gradual approach by starting the training with short intervals. For example, for the first few days, you can follow the plan of day one and check the baby at those intervals.

In this way, the child will gradually get settled in with the new changes and you will be able to respond to him and beat the emotions.

Read more about the Modified or gentle Ferber method here.

How would I know there is nothing wrong with the baby?

When you use the Ferber method, it is natural to feel concerned about your child when he cries badly upon waking up. However, it is important to assess the situation without getting upset or emotional. Make sure there is nothing to worry about. 

Here are a few steps you can take to determine if your baby is crying for comfort or due to any distress.

1- Ensure that all the basic needs of your child are fulfilled.

This includes a clean diaper, being well-fed, and not too hot or cold environment in his space. Make sure you disinfect his room/space so that there is no chance of any insect biting.

2- Observe his crying pattern before you storm into the room.

If cries are not showing signs of distress or it does not exhibit any signs of discomfort, pain, or hunger then wait for the interval time.

I am getting emotional with this training process, what should I do?

It’s completely natural to feel emotional and heartbroken and give up on the sleep training process when you hear your baby crying and seeking comfort.

But it is important to keep going and remember that as a parent you can’t put your child in distress. You are doing it for their own good. 

Here are a few tips to overcome your emotions when you are sleep-training your child with the Ferber method:

1- As I have said earlier, educate yourself and remind yourself why are you doing this to your child in the first place. Once you have a firm belief that this method will give you potential benefits, it will help you alleviate the guilt.

2- Never jump into the process without support from your partner or any family member. When you share the experience with someone and have a listening ear, the journey becomes easier and more supportive.

3- It is very important that you take care of your well-being too. Getting emotional and guilty has to do a lot with your disturbed well-being. Make sure you take enough time to rest, eat well, and engage in activities you like to do. Relax and rejuvenate, this will help you cope with the stress and emotions you are experiencing.

4- Most of all acknowledge your emotions without judging and doubting yourself. Accept your feelings and remind yourself that you are the only one who genuinely loves your child but you are doing this for their benefit. 

5- You can meet your child’s pediatrician before you start the training process. He can offer guidance and answer your concerns.

Want to learn more about the Ferber method?

Click here to find more articles about the Ferber method of sleep training.