ferber method, how long to comfort

While researching the Ferber method, it does look simple and doable but many queries comes into parent’s mind when they think of their child individually. Some children need modification due to their different needs and temperament. 

Since every child is different and raised differently from the other child, their comforting patterns also vary.

In this blog, we are going to explore how long to comfort during Ferber method, how can a child be comforted, and can the time interval during the progressive waiting and comforting patterns be changed on a child’s need and temperament.

how Long to Comfort During The Ferber Method?

The average recommended comforting period during ferber method is 2 minutes.

The fact that Ferber method emphasizes self-soothing, check-ins are just playing the role of reassurance that a child gets when he sees his parents.

So don’t stay in the room to comfort a child to the extent that he associates crying, check-ins, and comforting as one. The goal is to check in the room, comfort the child and leave the room within 2 minutes and come again after mentioned progressive waiting.

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How should I comfort the child?

It depends on how you used to comfort your child when he used to co-sleep in your bed or your room. Every child learns and associates a unique way to get comfort from his parent. The most generally used and soothing ways parents use the world over are:

1- Patting on the back:

Softly and continuously pat your child’s back so that he feels reassured and safe. Do this for almost 2 minutes and leave the room.

2- Singing Lullabies:

Some children get comfort from listening to the lullabies they have been listening to since birth. Singing lullabies is a great way to comfort and relax children healthily.

3- Comfort talk:

Comfort talk can give reassurance to the child that his parents are doing anything for his good. In the process of the Ferber method, sentences like “ Hey baby, I am just beside your room”, “Everything will be alright”, “ We love you” etc can bring positivity to the child.

Comfort talk can work with children who can understand their parents’ language, for young babies their favorite lullabies or poems can work.

4- Giving them a toy or lovey:

Some children love to have their favorite toy or lovey beside them. It might be a source of comfort or safety when they have it at sleep time too. So providing a favorite toy or lovey might help the child to calm down.

This Carter’s plush stuffed animal snuggler lovey is the snuggliest and softest blankie for children who love stuffed toys. This product comes with different animals like a kitten, puppy, unicorn, etc which makes it adorable. Carter’s plush is best for children who need a companion at night to sleep.

However, It is important to note that a lovey is a good choice when the baby is able to roll over on their own and push things away. Otherwise, don’t give them anything that can harm them.

5- Playing with the hair:

My kids loves it when I play with his hair and give a soft massage to his head. It keeps him calm and puts him back to sleep very easily. 

How long to comfort during ferber method

Can I modify the intervals and comforting patterns?

Yes, you can modify the time intervals and shorten them if your child is more demanding, short-tempered, and was a co-sleeper.

If he is crying a lot and having a tough time then you can shorten the intervals. Shortening the intervals means you can check in the room a few minutes before the prescribed waiting in the Ferber method chart.

But the timings you have modified should be strictly followed. The progressive waiting in the 2nd and 3rd check-ins is usually longer. So modify the timings and follow them strictly.

Read more about the gentle / modified Ferber method here.

Can I pick up the child to comfort during ferber method?

Talking about comfort during Ferber method, you can comfort your child in any way except by picking him up. Picking up is not recommended unless there are scenarios like diaper changing or nursing.

Read more about changing diaper during ferber method.

If these are not the cases, then comfort the child the way you like except by picking him up. This rule of not picking up the child does not exempt even if your child is demanding or short-tempered. 


Ferber Method; How long to comfort? You can comfort the child for less than two minutes. The goal is to reassure the child that you are there.

You can pat his back, touch his hair, or sing a lullaby. Picking up is not recommended unless you need to change his diaper or nurse him.

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